The Importance of Validating Emotions

I was at my child’s two year well baby yesterday and something the doctor said made me pause.

Now this is not my first rodeo as a parent. I have an almost 14 year old daughter who I had when I was very young. I wish I would have known then what I know now.

The doctor said, “There’s all this talk about the “terrible twos” and you have to be careful because that can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your child is actually at a really interesting age where you can get really interactive with them. Just be careful with your words.”

How often do we as parents tell our children when they’re crying, “don’t be sad”? Or when our kids fall down how often do we catch ourselves saying, "You;re okay!" How many of us have had well-meaning people say, "Don't be sad, it'll be ok!" How did that make you feel?

The truth is, there us value in feeling all our emotions but no one teaches me that more than a toddler! We can feel angry, or sad, or disappointed; it's just how we manage those emotions that's important because we have little eyes watching us and absorbing how we react or respond like little sponges.

Have you ever seen a human being so unbelievable able to feel such a broad spectrum of emotions in such a short amount of time?

If you’re used to telling kids not to feel a certain way, and believe me I have been there, it can take a little bit of awareness and practice to instead validate their feelings by naming them.

“Wow you sure are angry! What can I do to help?” “I can see that you’re really sad. What can we do?” You may find that as children display challenging behaviors that challenge our patience, responding in this way can actually help us to calm down also, which will help them to explore their feelings in a healthy way.

And notice what happens after a toddler is done with their tantrum. They're over it. They move on. It's almost like they lack the ability to hold grudges and hang on to whatever they were feeling. It really is neat to see how much they let emotions pass through them. If we can sit with them in their emotions, we may even learn from them how to be able to let them go once they're served their purpose.

In my humble opinion, anger and sadness are not negative emotions. They certainly can be if they’re held onto and grudges start to form, but if they come up, they need to be experienced in order for us to learn from them and grow. This is where children become some of our greatest teachers. How many of us grew up being able to express our emotions without judgement? Probably not many! And that’s ok! We all learn from our past and our shortcomings and guide our children in ways that maybe we weren’t.

I see my job as a HUGE job. I learn so much from the kids and the parents that I serve. I see us as a team. I would love feedback and comments on this topic.