I was at my child’s two year well baby yesterday and something the doctor said made me pause.

 

Now this is not my first rodeo as a parent. I have an almost 14 year old daughter who I had when I was very young. I wish I would have known then what I know now.

 

The doctor said, “There’s all this talk about the “terrible twos” and you have to be careful because that can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your child is actually at a really interesting age where you can get really interactive with them. Just be careful with your words.”

 

How often do we as parents tell our children when they’re crying, “don’t be sad”?  Or when our kids fall down how often do we catch ourselves saying, "You;re okay!" How many of us have had well-meaning people say, "Don't be sad, it'll be ok!" How did that make you feel?

 

The truth is, there us value in feeling all our emotions but no one teaches me that more than a toddler! We can feel angry, or sad, or disappointed; it's just how we manage those emotions that's important because we have little eyes watching us and absorbing how we react or respond like little sponges. 

 

Have you ever seen a human being so unbelievable able to feel such a broad spectrum of emotions in such a short amount of time?

 

If you’re used to telling kids not to feel a certain way, and believe me I have been there, it can take a little bit of awareness and practice to instead validate their feelings by naming them.

 

“Wow you sure are angry! What can I do to help?” “I can see that you’re really sad. What can we do?” You may find that as children display challenging behaviors that challenge our patience, responding in this way can actually help us to calm down also, which will help them to explore their feelings in a healthy way.

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And notice what happens after a toddler is done with their tantrum. They're over it. They move on. It's almost like they lack the ability to hold grudges and hang on to whatever they were feeling. It really is neat to see how much they let emotions pass through them. If we can sit with them in their emotions, we may even learn from them how to be able to let them go once they're served their purpose.

 

In my humble opinion, anger and sadness are not negative emotions. They certainly can be if they’re held onto and grudges start to form, but if they come up, they need to be experienced in order for us to learn from them and grow. This is where children become some of our greatest teachers. How many of us grew up being able to express our emotions without judgement? Probably not many! And that’s ok! We all learn from our past and our shortcomings and guide our children in ways that maybe we weren’t.

 

I see my job as a HUGE job. I learn so much from the kids and the parents that I serve. I see us as a team. I would love feedback and comments on this topic.

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Starting School Too Soon

I remember when my oldest, now almost 15, first started at an in home daycare with a provider I loved and communicate with to this very day. Back then, preschool wasn't as big of a "thing" as it is now. I know of family child care providers who care for children until they go off to kindergarten and I asked them how they do it with babies around. They say work around baby's naps and meal times. It was really that simple! One provider told me she has had parents send their kids off to preschool only to bring them back to her because they got more out of being in her care than a preschool.

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This is just my opinion, but it isn't necessary to send your children off to a state preschool or even a daycare program that says they have a special preschool component. 

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***Disclaimer: I am aware that you have to consider the source- of course a family child care provider would say you can keep your child in family child care until kindergarten! We all do what is best for our kids and parents know their kids better than anyone else and there are lots of great preschool programs. All I'm saying is sending kids to preschool isn't the end all be all in preparing them for kindergarten. And it's just my opinion here: kindergarten is totally different now than it was when I was a kid. There isn't much time for play, and at the age of 5 and 6, kids still do a great deal of learning through play. It makes me sad we don;t put an emphasis on play anymore once a child hits 5!

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When my oldest went to kindergarten, i was shocked by how different it was than when I was a kid. I helped in her classroom, and she had gone from being able to play whenever she wanted to immediately having to spend a good amount of time sitting at a table learning to read, write and do simple math. Kindergarten has turned into what first grade used to be, and preschool is now what kindergarten used to be.

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One big question has always come up for me: what's the rush?!

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For infants and toddlers, the best way to learn is through play and interaction with their environment. It's important to find a provider who understands the child's social-emotional development as that is what really determines their success in school. My husband taught at a Title 1 school in a rough neighborhood and saw first hand what happens to kids when they don't come from a patient loving environment. No Child Left Behind has been such a disservice to children as it puts pressure on teachers and NOT on parents. There are so many factors that go into how children learn and if a child is stressed out, abused or hungry, they are not going to learn no matter how good a program is, period. 

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In my program, I offer all the same activities children will get in preschool, but in a  smaller family style environment with more individualized care. My oldest daughter had the same thing with her provider and she was well prepared for kindergarten.

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Next week, i take my Montessori Training and I cannot WAIT to implement some new things into my program! My oldest child I have is two and a half and she is ready for something new!

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Below are some articles on education and preschool that I found to be helpful.

 

Here is an article on research about sending kids to school way too early:

https://qz.com/546832/stanford-researchers-show-were-sending-many-children-to-school-way-too-early/

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Here is an article on the importance of social emotional development in children, and responsive care giving!

https://www.cde.ca.gov/sp/cd/re/itf09socemodev.asp

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